Monday, September 25, 2006

Answer to What Happened to This Man's Pickup Truck

What Happened to This Man’s Chevrolet Pickup Truck?

Scroll down the page to see the pictures of This Man's Truck.

Short story . . .
made . . .
long . . .

He purchases a Garmin Street Finder.
It is his third GPS gadget.
He lost the other two.
I wonder if there is a gadget that would help him locate the other two? I hope not.

This is the first one he has learned to use.

There are several options on this piece of equipment:
Language: English, Spanish, German, etc.
Accent: Standard English, British, Italian, etc.
Type of directions: Map display, Written directions, etc.
Voice: Male, Female, etc. :)

There is a warning, and I quote, “Do not attempt to enter route information or adjust this device while driving. Failure to pay full attention to the operations of your vehicle could result in death, serious injury, or property damage. (Possibly a Chevrolet Pickup Truck?) You assume full responsibility.

After several weeks of practicing with his new toy, (did I mention it’s his third one?), we take a business trip to Scottsdale.

Garmin has been programmed for English-speaking female. They (whoever they are) say men will respond better to a female voice when given directions. That’s why in a fighter-jet the cockpit commands are given by a female, named Bitchin’ Betty.
Would someone please tell my husband he is supposed to respond to my female voice?

“Why don’t you program the address in b.e.f.o.r.e. you start driving?”
“I can do this. You always say I need to multi-task.”
“Not while you’re driving. Let me program the information in.”
Lost Satellite Reception
“You don’t know where we’re going.”
“Obviously, she doesn’t either.”
“Well, she will when I get A-R-I-Z-O-N-A programmed in.”
Continue 1 mile, then turn left and you will reach your destination.
“Wow, I didn’t know Arizona was so close. Did they move it?”
“No, she’s telling me how to get to my office.”
“How many years have you been driving to the same office . . . 20?”
Continue 300 feet, then turn left.
“I can’t remember the name of the company I’m supposed to meet with.”
She’s giving you directions to your office. Just stop there and call for directions.”
“You have to be kidding. Ask for directions??? I have HER to help me.”
Lost Satellite Reception
“Either slow down or stop driving on the shoulder.” “Stop!” The light is red.”
He continues to program in the information. S-C-O-T-T-S-D-A
“The pole isn’t going to turn green.”
Honking from behind us gets louder.
“Finally, I have Arizona and Scottsdale programmed in.”
“Great, by the time you figure out what the company’s name is and get it programmed in, we’ll be in New Mexico.”
“I have their business card with the exact address on it.”
“Where IS the card?”
“In the trunk. When we get to Scottsdale, I’ll stop and get it out.”
Hours later . . . stopped on side of road . . . looking for card AND his wallet.
“Would you please program that address in BEFORE you start driving in this traffic?”
“Give me that thing.”
Travel 15 miles south, then exit right.
Thirty minutes later (traffic is heavy) . . .
In 2 miles, turn right, then turn left.
“I don’t think she knows what she’s talking about.” “What did you program in?”
“The address on the card that you gave me.”
In 1 mile, turn right, then turn left.
“Where’s the volume on her? Can you turn her down?”
In 300 feet, turn right, then turn left.
“She doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about.”
Turn right, then turn left.
“I’m going to stop and get the map out.”
“What map?”
“The map the company faxed me with the directions.”

"You have a map of where we are going?"
Turn right, then turn right.
“Where IS the map?”
“In the trunk.”
“OK, I’m going to take the next exit, then stop, and get the map out of the trunk.”
Breathe – Count – Breathe – Count
Lost satellite reception.
“This is a one-way going back the way we just came.”
Breathe – Count – Breath – Count- My left eyelid is twitching.
“There’s no place to stop.”
I think I’m hyperventilating.
“OK, this looks like a good place to stop. I’ll just hop out and get the map out of the trunk.”
You have reached your destination.
"What did she say?”
“She said you’re an idiot. To pay attention to her female voice next time because she does know where she's going."
“What is the name of the company on that business card?”
“The same name that’s on the marquee that we’re parked under.”

You idiot.

Question: What happened to this man’s Chevrolet pickup?

Answer: On his next trip (that he took by himself) he was programming HER, and hit one of those green, metal, reflector poles doing about 60 mph. No one was hurt, and he is now searching for his third GPS gadget.

Photo Above: Please give clues as to what you think is pictured here. Please don't give the location away.


Blogger Susan in va said...

I have "no clue." But I ROFL at your story!

My dad programmed his GPS for a shopping trip my mom and I took earlier this year (he also uses the English-speaking female). Every time SHE said "via (pron. vee-uh) point", I would laugh uncontrollably. I had a ball not turning where SHE said to turn.

9/25/2006 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

Great story...I see it just fine and I believe Susan in VA can too.

It's a sunset???? Uhm, let me think about that.

Sorry, little sarcastic today.

9/25/2006 02:01:00 PM  
Blogger Susan in va said...

Swampwitch - take a look at my post today. My son and Hans have something in common.

9/25/2006 02:17:00 PM  
Blogger Susan in va said...

Swampwitch, go to your blog and click the "refresh" button at the top of the page. Do the same on Ree's blog, Julie's, etc. See if that works. If it does, I'll explain later.

9/25/2006 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger gawilli said...

That's pretty interesting that men are supposed to respond to a woman's voice offering directions. It never seemed to work to well for me. Hmm.

9/25/2006 05:24:00 PM  
Blogger Pamela said...

Heck... what a great story of marital bliss and GPS

There once was a man with direction
tossed the map with peculiar rejection
"let me program the way
"let that broad have her say
Cause her voice gives me quite an .....affection

okay... you thought I was going to say something bad *(

9/25/2006 06:50:00 PM  
Blogger BarnGoddess said...

lol, what a good, so true to life story!!!!

I thought my husband was the only one who did stuff like that.....maybe he's related to your hubby.......

9/25/2006 07:19:00 PM  
Blogger Karmyn R said...

I wish I was a fly on the GPS!!! TOO FUNNY! (especially finding out that he had a real life MAP!!!)

My husband bought a GPS to take on the boat for his fishing trip(why? - I don't know) - But, I swear after reading your story, we are NEVER going to have one in the car. I'll stick with maps.

9/25/2006 08:52:00 PM  
Blogger SongBird said...

I am laughing my head off!! What a story!!

As for the picture....hmmmm...a sunset over a river with clouds or maybe smoke?

9/25/2006 09:20:00 PM  
Blogger Old Dominion Heather said...

Wow...this story reminds me of driving with my husband who is directionally challenged. It is always exciting. We try to add on about 40 minutes of "lost" time to every time estimate.

9/25/2006 09:23:00 PM  
Blogger Pioneer Woman said...

Swampy, you crack my ass up! You are so unusual. Reeeeeeal smart, too.

9/25/2006 09:41:00 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Goes to show that some men can really only work the TV remote..that is if they can find it.

What a beautiful picture of a sunset, it almost looks as those the sun is drawing all of the clouds for the night, leaving a clear sky for the stars to be seen by all.

9/26/2006 04:30:00 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

Swampalicious--you have people rolling on the floor, laughing body parts off, oh, my! Me, too, I laughed. Out loud. Good stuff!

I bet you convuggle & web when you talk (have a minimum of three conversations going on at a time..."conversation juggling").

My theory is "why use a map when asking for directions is much quicker"? Plus, you get all those nifty directional markers to look for (turn right at the delapidated gas station that still has prices under a dollar...).

9/26/2006 06:53:00 AM  
Anonymous swampwitch said...

Susan: First, congrats on winnning the $50 Starbucks gift card. Gives new meaning to "coffee break." Are you sure your 5 year-old isn't reading my blog while you sleep? Stories are too much alike ! Thanks for the advice on fixing things around here.

Pam: Sarcasm always welcomed. Read my last comment about where the pic was taken.

Gawilli: I'm not sure who made the declaration that men "hear" female voices better than male voices, but around here, that's not the case.

BarnGoddess: I think they are ALL related, at least they ALL read out of the same book.

Karmyn: Maybe your husband thought his GPS was a fish finder.

Songbird: Pick your head up, put it back on, but keep on laughing. Good for those endorphins.

Heather: As I say here at this house, "A short cut is the longest distance between two points." We also allow extra time for those "short cuts."

Ree" I'm so sorry you have a cracky ass. And, you know what you get when you combine unusual and smart, don't you? C.R.A.Z.Y. Keeps other people on their toes because they never know if I'm on my rocker or not.

As for the picture: I just put that one in for "sarcasm" and Pam is still thinking. There's no way you would know EXACTLY where that was unless you were there when the pic was taken. There are TWO readers who know exactly where it is and one of them always has a set of clues that turns the table on me, and keeps me guessing. Nothans, you're up:

9/26/2006 06:55:00 AM  
Blogger librarygoddess said...

OMG!!!! What a way to start my day ----- snorting coffee out ma nose. GEEZE

9/26/2006 07:29:00 AM  
Anonymous swampwitch said...

Michelle and Robin: Not sure where these comments were when I posted earlier...h-m-m-m blogger is being mysterious today.

Michelle: What TV remote? Don't tell him there's a gadget for the TV. He thinks we only get one channel. :)

Robin: Swampalicious ! I like it.
Convuggle/web/glob/blog...Yes, I do have at least 3 converations going on in my head at once, but I think psychiatrists came up with a name for it a long time ago...
Shitsophrenic or something like that.

LibraryGoddess: Now that you've snorted coffee out your nose, go check with Susan above who has $50 worth of Starbucks. She might share.

9/26/2006 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Silly Hily said...

That story was so great. You really need to start recording these things and sharing them more often. We've got head rolling, stuff cracking, coffee snorting...good times, good times.
My dad got one of those things and had it turned on while I was riding with him one time. I ended every direction that the "she" gave with a "jackass." Just for good measure b/c seriously, how hard is it to ask for directions or follow a map?

9/26/2006 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Swampwitch said...

Michelle & Robin: Not sure where your comments were when I posted mine...mysteriousblogger...

Michelle: Don't tell him there is a gadget called a remote...he thinks we only get one channel and the TV stays on all the time.
The picture/clue was just to rev up some sarcasm about "This could be ANYWHERE.." Only 3 people could accurately tell EXACTLY where that was taken.

Robin: Swampalicious ! Yes, I love it. Convuggle/web/glob/blog...yup, I always have at least 3 voices going on in my head at once. I think psychiatrists came up with a name for that a long time ago...
shitsophrenic or something like that. I love the directions, "Turn right when you come to the cow standing in the middle of the road."

LibraryGoddess: Now that you have no more coffee left because you snorted it out your nose, check with Susan above. She has $50 worth of Starbucks I'm sure she would share with you.

SillyHily: What! Do something that's too easy, like using a map or asking for directions? That's doesn't make any sense at all.
Aren't the comments great. I'll take your advice and record them somewhere. Maybe in my Globtionary along with those terms. If I knew how to put a link here, I would.
Just check in August archives, using a GPS, you will have no problems finding you way.

9/26/2006 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Swampwitch said...

OK, Now that I re-wrote every last one of those comments, globber decides to post both sets at the same time. I'm going for coffee as soon as I find my GPS.

9/26/2006 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger C. said...

what a funny story!
as for the picture...looks like a beautiful sunset over a lake somewhere.

9/26/2006 02:25:00 PM  
Anonymous momto3cubs said...

That was hilarious! Loved it! Excellent! (A nice pick-me-up after Ree's sad post!)

9/27/2006 10:00:00 AM  

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